In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

2019年09月05日

First the essay can be read by you, and directly after we break up which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered additionally the sentence when you look at the essay happens to be colour coded to correspond into the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall allow you to understand:

• How an essay gets a Band 7
• What sentence structures and language is required for a Band 7
• Ways to link ideas smoothly

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Perform some advantages of the situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with increased people that are young old people. Even this particular fact might have both advantages and disadvantages, for me the positive implications of having a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages giving examples to support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people can lead to deficiencies in professionals in the society. Older population may be more educated as compared to young one, this can be being why they have had additional time to analyze a professional career during their lives. For instance, in order to become an expert physician it is needed at least a decade of university studies and this is almost certainly not able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s might have been through a complete lot in life as well as may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have high rate of crime, this might be because young people have significantly more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile showed that when you look at the south of Chile, where the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice greater than in the north where the majority of the population where in their 50’s and older.

On the other hand, youthful populations have been in general more energetic and much more happy. This might be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Contributing to the fact that healthy people could work more proficiently, with this specific they could contribute to the economy associated with the country, making money in the place of spending. For instance, it’s true that old societies fork out a lot of money in health because of their citizens that are old. Another positive element of having young adult populations is that there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more time and more energy than old people to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer all of the players retires from their soccer-career if they turn thirty years old. With old people there would be no right time and energy to start a hobby career. And last but not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be since they are more proactive in organize those activities as well as almost certainly going to take part in them. Old people may be too tired to go out.

The disadvantages to conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of youthful population. Even though, there are many positive facets of having an adult population
that people should consider.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with more young adults than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact may have both pros and cons, In (GR1) my estimation the positive implications of experiencing a population that is youthful the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages (LR1) giving examples to guide both point of view.

TR1 – Good to begin with by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your utilization of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Try to vary your usage of vocabulary when you can.

On one side (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people could lead to too little professionals within the society. Older population may be more educated compared to young one, this might be being why (LR2) they have had more hours to study a specialist career during their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , in order to become a professional physician it really is needed at least 10 years of university studies and this might not be able for a adult that is young (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a complete lot in life (LR5) and so they may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might help to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will likely have high rate of crime, this might be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile (TR5) revealed that when you look at the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mostly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than within the north where almost all of the population where within their 50’s and older.

CC2 – a proper phrase to introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 life that is–singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an illustration.
TR4 – Good to add a good example to guide your idea.
GR3 – Some problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have not yet had time for you to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit from the side that is informal but lovely natural utilization of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to guide your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – and the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other side hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations have been in general more energetic and more happy. This might be because (CC5) they usually have less old illness that is age-associated them to your workplace more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the fact healthy people can work more efficiently, using this they are able to donate to the economy of the country, earning money in the place of spending (GR4) . For instance, it is a fact that old societies fork out a lot of income in health because of their old citizens (LR8) . Another positive element of having adult that is young is there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some time more energy than
old people to practice and turn an excellent sport professional. In soccer the majority of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career once they turn thirty yrs old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time and energy to start an activity career. And last but most certainly not least (CC6) , young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This may be since they are more proactive in organize those activities pay to have papers written and in addition very likely to participate in them. Old people can be too tired to venture out.

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